Great quotes for a good chuckle

If you are looking for a good laugh to lighten your mood, then enjoy these funny quotes curated by the Vuify review team.

“The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.” – Kin Hubbard

“True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.” – Kurt Vonnegut

“A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.” – Lana Turner

“That’s the funny thing about life. We’re rarely aware of the bullets we dodge. The just-misses. The almost-never-happeneds. We spend so much time worrying about how the future is going to play out and not nearly enough time admiring the precious perfection of the present.” – Lauren Miller

“A man doesn’t know what he knows until he knows what he doesn’t know.” – Laurence J. Peter

“Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.” – Laurence J. Peter

“If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out.” – Lawrence Ferlinghetti

“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin

“The road to success is always under construction.” – Lily Tomlin

“Until you value yourself, you won’t value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it.” – M. Scott Peck

“Don’t keep a man guessing too long – he’s sure to find the answer somewhere else.” – Mae West

“I’m not for everyone. I’m barely for me.” – Marc Maron

“Cleaning up with children around is like shoveling during a blizzard.” – Margaret Culkin Banning

“Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.” – Margaret Mead

“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” – Mark Twain

“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” – Mark Twain

“Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.” – Mark Twain

“I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.” – Mark Twain

“I am only human, although I regret it.” – Mark Twain

“I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time.” – Mark Twain

“Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.” – Mark Twain

“The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.” – Mark Twain

“When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.” – Mark Twain

“Worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe.” – Mark Twain

“Do not make the mistake of treating your dogs like humans or they will treat you like dogs.” – Martha Scott

“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.” – Matt Groening

For plenty more great comedy, check out Vuify today.